You know it's time to switch to decaf when you...

Perform aerial flips while asking baristas, "How much?"

pull a firearm when a bug hits me

Prepare A Frappachino With Amphetamine Bolstered Hot Milk

punch a friend with a back hand motion

palpitate and feel weak after brewing hot mocha

Push a feeble woman aside buying hot macchiatoes

pick a fight with a big hairy monster

pace and fidget while anxiously brewing hot macchiato.

perform a flagellation when all barristas halt machines

Percolate and foam when around big hot macchiatos

panic at fixing waffles and begin having migranes

percolate Arabica from Wamena and become helplessly manic

Panic and flee watching another boring horror movie

punch a freelance writer advocating British holistic medicine

perpetually attend functions with addictively brewed headache medicine

palpitate and fibrillate withering arteries, blasting heart muscle.

Picture a fabulous wife and being happily married

pack away forty wieners and begin humping machinery

punch abusive fruit. Why are bananas habitually mean?

Poop alot, freaking weird allergies boast horrible metabolism

pass a firetruck while attempting basic hour marathon

purposely act flamboyant while asking bums, "Hit me?"

pirouette and fandango with a barenaked Heidi Montag

Present annoying facts when asinine boss has meeting

practice Aramaic forensics while also boiling hydrogen molecules

Pertinaciously Address Fancy Women At Bars, "Hi, Marryme!?"

Paced around fully watchful after being horribly maniacal.

Pace and fidget while awaiting Balinese holistic massage

plow a field without a big horse, man

prefer awakening first with a big "Hello, morning!"

pounce at frightened wallabies and berate hibernating marsupials

Perform Arias Freely Without Accompaniment, Becoming High Maintenance..

publish a frightful writ: "A Barista Hostage Manifesto"

Palpitate and fluster with adrenalin before homely mailmen

pant and fidget while always being heavily medicated

post about feeling whimsical and being Harlequin's muse.

pace around from worrying about bringing home money

Push away friends with a bitchy harpy’s mouth

Parading around feeling wonderful and brewing hot machiato's

palpitate around feisty women and bring home men

Planned a fantastic wedding at breakfast, honeymoon mentioned.

pass a fart while aggressively bouncing her melons

Pace and fall wearing a beating heart monitor

Personally argue for watching a barista's home movies

purchase a Ferrari with a big hairy mongoose.

Prance around frantically with a belligerent hamster, Murry.

Pee and fart with a bitter, hamster-ish musk.

punch any fat woman and bash her machine

puke and fall while actually basically having mocha

parade all fecund women around bellowing "hella menstrual!"

Push another finger with a boisterous hot mouth!

panic about flying whales above Boston Harbor marathons

Panic and flash white ass by Houdini Museum